Solar-Powered Backup Generators To Be Installed At Schoolhouse Falls
APRIL 1, 2023 – CASHIERS, NC
According to unofficial sources at the United States Forest Service, in a risky first of its kind installation, an experimental solar backup generator will be constructed this week in Panthertown Valley above Schoolhouse Falls to provide recycled solar power in the event of a hydroelectric power failure to the popular waterfall destination.
Unauthorized representatives from SolarFallsPower LLC, an independently subcontracted co-conglomerate of Acme Fuel Farms Incorporated, indicated their approval of the project: “We are all lit up with enthusiasm and satirical excitement over the bright announcement”.
Friends of Panthertown, a local 501(c)3 non-profit organization working in partnership with the U.S. Forest Service, delivered a presentation to the Schoolhouse Falls Rotary Club with details about encapsulating a water-proof solar enclosure over the currently installed hydroelectric generators in Panthertown.
Ms. Sally D. Hermit, a local resident, expressed her displeasure with the project, “It’s confusing”.
Bluetooth connected electrical outlets will be installed in the trees and rocks located at the waterfall site to allow visitors to plug in their electronic devices and to provide emergency power to the waterfall and lagoon. Extension cords will be provided for the convenience of backpackers and day hikers.
U.S. Forest Service Nantahala District Ranger Troy “Sunny” Waskey was not overheard speaking to unauthorized reporters about the likelihood of power going out at any of the falls. “We don’t believe that there is any cause for concern, however in an over abundance of un-caution we have also decided to install diesel and hydroelectric generators at each of the solar stations to provide back up and to allow for visitors to witness the spectacle of modern technology at its finest.”
“This is either a remarkable addition to Panthertown Valley, or a dystopian nightmare”, said Henry Z. Ford, a United States Social Distancing Champion who has visited Schoolhouse Falls once.
To avoid delays in delivery of water and ice at Schoolhouse Falls, a Sesame Street co-branded Bio-Diesel gas powered generator will also be installed behind the waterfall as a super redundant backup to fuel the hydroelectric powered solar array in the likely event of an alien invasion, an apocalyptic solar implosion, the return of the dinosaurs, or in case of a paper cut while opening junk mail. All names and false identities have been changed to protect the innocent.
News at 11. Happy first day of April, y’all.
Friends of Panthertown is a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization. All donations are tax-deductible to the fullest extent allowable by law. Please consider giving generously towards the conservation and stewardship of this special place. More info is available at panthertown.org