Historic Zoologic and Archeologic Find in North Carolina’s Panthertown Valley Stuns Researchers
By Ernest Troutlilly
Cashiers, North Carolina –
A remarkable discovery has occurred in the southwestern portion of North Carolina’s mountain region, close to the Georgia and South Carolina state lines.
Last month’s stunning find has attracted the attention of wildlife biologists and historians from across the globe. Evidence of fossilized remains of ancient Appalachian octopus skeletons were found at the bottom of a high elevation Appalachian mountain bog located in Panthertown Valley on the Nantahala National Forest.
U.S. Forest Service Nantahala District Ranger Troy “Big Daddy” Waskey expressed astonishment, indigestion, and confusion when confronted with the news. He had no comment.
The accidental discovery was made by professional manure haulers on leave from the equine and bovine dung mines of a nearby town. An experienced U.S. Dive Team entered the rare bog with abandoned glee, splashing and frolicking as they searched for signs of intelligent life. Coincidentaly, nearby Frolictown Falls was named for a similar extraterrestrial investigation in the late nineteenth century. No plant or animal species were harmed during the expedition.
Jason Kimenker, Executive Director of Friends of Panthertown remarked, “This may just be a story taller than Big Foot.” A Sasquatch sighting may or may not have been involved during the reporting of this undeniably true story, and while U.S. Fish and Wildlife has not yet responded to our requests for more ketchup with our fries, no witnesses were present to deny this story. All evidence to the contrary was sufficient to dismiss all claims therefore communicated.
Researchers claim they will find all the the answers to every question before their announcement of the coming ice age.
News at 11.
We hope you enjoyed this cutting-edge crack-pot reporting. Happy April, y’all.
If you would like to make a donation in support of the conservation, stewardship, and maintenance work Friends of Panthertown is doing on behalf of all who visit this special place, please consider contributing to the Panthertown Stewardship Fund. More information is available at panthertown.org/give